By 
One day I get a call from my Mama, sayin’ she just saw a movie so bad that she walked right out of the theater. What was the name of the movie, Mama? I asked. “Closer, she said, and it’s a dirty, filthy movie. I can’t believe Julia Roberts is in it. Oh, and that little Natalie Portman is in it, too, and she’s nekkid.” Course, that made me wanna run out and see it right away, but we only have 2 theaters here in East Biggs, one of ‘em shows Clint Eastwood flicks and the other shows Burt Reynolds. So I had to wait till I got this here DVD to see just what other folks were talkin’ about.
CLOSER is one of those films were folks just talk, there ain’t no car chases and gunfights or nothin’. They talk about how life sucks cause they don’t have their mamas no more, ‘cept they live in rich apartments and go to art gallery openin’s. Bwak, bwak, bwak, life sucks, bwak, bwak, hey go to bed with me, bwak, bwak, bwak, ok, let’s break up. Now think about them sayin’ all this in the Queen’s English (cause in takes place over there in not-so merry ol’ England) and you might get a headache. But turn on the subtitles and pour a few Captain Morgan’s and Coke’s and you’ll make to the hour and one minute mark when Natalie Portman’s in the strip club.
