OK fellers, our hits just took a nosedive, so you know what that means: more gratuitous babes and breasts! I'm targetin' this post towards our younger viewers. Think of this as history lesson from your veneered master, Cousin Dick. Before Maxim, before Stuff Magazine, before FHM, men had a cheap and easy way of seeing pounds of silicone for free. Because in the morning hours between 7am - 9am, we had…fitness babes!
The road to silicone was a rough one. During the early 1980s, aerobics was the big fitness thing sweeping the nation. Ladies started imitatin' the female cast of the Legion of Superheroes by puttin' on thongs outside of skin-tight leotards. Cynthia Kereluk, a former Miss Canada, ignited a dormant fanbase when her Everyday Workout program appeared on TV. Kereluk's cameraman might not have discovered the all important crotch shot (see 1st pic above), but he used it with aplenty. So did the Hawaiian-based TV show called Bodies in Motion, where lovely gals danced and juked in front of the ocean. I quite liked that tropical babe in the last pic, though I never learned her name.
The craze was really kicked off in the mid-1980s by ESPN when they premiered an exercise show called Bodyshaping. I am sure the producers of Bodyshaping had every intention of turnin' us beer-swillin' couch potatoes into muscled men of steel. But watchin' a bunch of fellers lift weights for a half hour can get a mite boring. So they added babes to the mix, starting with Cory Everson and Kiana Tom, who we'll see later. The best reason to watch Bodyshaping was a sweet little brunette gal called Jennifer Dempster. Kamiko Tanaka, a cheerleader from LA, was another standout in the early years. I think ESPN's ratings went up every time a babe did a breast pump. The male trainers obviously appreciated their efforts.
After years of successful ratings, ESPN decided, what the heck, lets' just ditch the men! Cory Everson and Kiana Tom both received their own weekday programs, which helped put ESPN2 on the map. Cory's program was called Gotta Sweat and was filmed mostly in Las Vegas, at places like the Luxor Hotel. It was probably the most serious program about exercise, but also the sexiest, because of Cory and her supporting cast. Cameo Kneuer, Cory's bodacious (and some say even sexier) sister, was a regular on the program, helping lift weights and build silicone. Cory's gal-pal Michelle LeMay helped out with an aerobics segment that also featured my favorite camera techniques. Cory was very popular at the time, with calendars, magazine covers, and acting-she appeared in three episodes of Hercules as an Amazonian-type warrior and the movie Ballistic, where she fought Marjean Holden to the death.
Kiana Tom's program was called Kiana's Flex Appeal, but we were all thinking sex appeal. The show started off with a montage of images featuring Kiana, walking around a white-sandy beach in her bikini. Kind of like a third-rate version of a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit video. When Kiana was young, no one could match that tight toned-little body with the C-cups stapled onto her chest. Kiana tried to make fitness fun, but whatever she did, it was just sexier than heck. Kiana tried to tell us about cross-training, so she ran in the pool, while the camera photographed her tight buns moving underwater. Volleyball was supposed to be good exercise, and it was, for my VCR to step through the frames and see how much her breasts jiggled. Kiana's Flex Appeal lasted longer on ESPN2 than the other Bodyshaping spinoffs-Craig Kilborn had Kiana appear as a guest on his program. He asked Kiana to demonstrate her sit-up technique, but he told her that he needed to enjoy it the way he always did: sitting back on his chair with a glass of whiskey. So Kilborn had an assistant do the crunches with Kiana! This was about the time that Kiana started falling apart; by the time she appeared in Playboy, I thought she was passed her prime.
After Gotta Sweat and Flex Appeal, I concluded there was no frontier left in the genre. I knew how wrong this cowboy could be when I tuned into a show called Fitness Beach. Starring Deborah Khazei, Kathy Derry, Denise Paglia, and Leeann Tweeden, it should have just been called Silicone Beach. It really made your day a lot more cheerful, especially if your TV was in the bedroom. If you liked blondes, there was Kathy, asian-exotic there was Denise, and if you got the Fredericks of Hollywood lingerie catalog, there was Leeann! Who didn't love seeing Leeann pump weights on a bench with an overhead camera shot?
The other women always treated Leeann like she was a total bimbo, showing her how to do simplest weight movements. I always imagined they were jealous of Leeann's screen time. But I knew that Leeann was destined for greatness and I was right! She's more popular than ever on ESPN and has had countless magazine spreads.
Like the dinosaurs, these fitness shows started dying off after we got into the 21st century. I have to believe that the Internet killed off these shows, with porn-on-demand, who wants to watch fitness babes except old farts like me? Denise Austin carried the torch for a little while on Lifetime with two shows back to back. Denise is good if you like short, stocky little blondes and you want a MILF to spice things up. She wore some pretty nice one and two piece outfits, although you'll have to be an ass-man to appreciate Denise, as she's never gone the silicone route. My favorite was the elusive "white leotard" which I've preserved here for posterity. Denise looked hot during 2000-2003 or so, but I think Lifetime's cracked down on the revealing workout wear. Nowadays she wears baggy pants, doubtlessly because of complaints from housewives across the country.
So whaddya think, true believers? Is the fitness bimbo craze officially dead? Did I miss anything? Nuff said.
External Links:
Bodyshaping Gallery
Cynthia Kereluk Fansite 1
Cynthia Kereluk Fansite 2
Cory Everson Official Site
Cory Everson Fan Site
Denise Paglia Fan Site 1
Denise Paglia Fan Site 2
Leeann Tweeden Fan Site 1
Leeann Tweeden Fan Site 2
on DVD now. It ain't as good as classic shows like the Dukes, but Kid Flash likes to watch it when he runs on treadmill. I imagine it must work like those hamsters on a wheel, when you put a piece of cheese in front that they'll never reach.
