Flash Facts: September 2005 Archives

One year ago, we had an Identity Crisis, or more specifically, the characters in the DCU had one. During this “crisis” we discovered that Captain Boomerang—a villain who went after the Flash with giant Aussie-made weapons that went around in circles—had a son that he tracked down and tried to reconnect with. We found out that the kid, Owen, had his father’s penchant for throwing weapons but also, a Super-Sprinter—capable of short bursts of speed. This gave him a promising start as a new adversary for Wally West.

But who was Owen’s mother? This has been a secret plotline dangling over us for an entire year. Many of us speculated that it must have been the Golden Glider. I can’t figure out why. Glider didn’t have any speed powers, nor did she romance Captain Boomerang. One theory was that Boomerang possessed Barry Allen’s body for a short time and had a quickie with the Glider. I kind of like that, because if I took over Flash’s body or Superman’s body for a few hours, I’d go out and bang a whole bunch of hot chicks. As it turned out, that speculation was pure rubbish.

In Flash #225, we know the truth: the mother of Owen is Meloni Thawne. Meloni Thawne? I’ve heard the name but it’s never been a significant figure in any Flash story that I remember. I had to look her up on Hyperborea’s encyclopedia of Flash facts. Meloni was one of the rare good Thawnes (Prof. Zoom being the most notorious) who married Don Allen, Barry Allen’s son, and has made a minor time traveling appearance in Impulse—where we found out she was Bart Allen's mother. And yet, Meloni resides in the 30th century. I couldn’t fathom how Boomerang met her until one message board poster pointed out that in Flash #224, we see ol’ Boomer falling through time as a result of Zoom’s attack on Wally. He apparently falls into the 30th century and is greeted by Meloni (and you can bet it’s her by that weird haircut that Bart used to have).

Talk about serendipity! You fall thru the timesphere and wind up sitting next to the daughter-in-law of your arch enemy—and she’s hot to trot! This is weird. Why would Meloni Thawne, wife of Don Allen, want to ever fuck Captain Boomerang? What kind of taste does she have? Don was a stud like his father--I would imagine he can go all night on an inexhaustible supply of speed force. Boomerang is quite the loser, I imagine a night with him would be over prematurely. How on god’s green earth could this happen? Did Boomer carry a supply of Foster’s Lager, the formula for which might have been lost in the 30th century? Did he catch a couple of rangs, and Meloni went giddy enough to do a rhumba on his thumpa?

Of course, I am bummed for my namesake—Bart Allen, aka Kid Flash. How disappointed he’ll be to have such a brother as Zoomerang. How Bart’s heart will break when he finds out that his Mom was so slutty. What kind of bitch gives birth to Owen and then dumps him in the 20th century? I don’t get it. They better explain this one good. I don’t think those Thawnes can ever reform. Strip the whole family line from history! Nuff said.

Spoilers abound, so be warned. Flash 225 came out last week, bringing to an end the Geoff Johns era. When he started the book, it was in minor disarray in the wake of Mark Waid’s absence. When Flash was rebooted in the wake of the crisis, the popular thought about the defect in the character was his great speed. Waid and his collaborator\editor Brian Augustyn made it plain that there was no problem in great speed, only in examining issues of character. For Wally West, it was dealing with the legacy of his mentor and coming to terms with the mysteries of the speed force. When Johns took over the series, Wally had great powers and the respect of the Justice League, but no credible villains. The Rogues Gallery was a joke, most of all Captain Cold, and his greatest enemy, Professor Zoom, had been killed by Barry Allen a long time ago.

Now in his last issue as the Flash’s writer, Johns brings all these characters that he revitalized. What’s more, Johns set a new trend at DC Comics for reviving old characters—I doubt we’d be seeing Catman as a great character in Villains United if it weren’t for this historic run. Rogue War started off with a bang. We watched the new Rogues, led by Captain Cold, on a hunt for the body of the recently deceased Captain Boomerang (who died in Identity Crisis). This brought them into conflict with some reformed villains led by the Trickster—but how reformed were they? Not very, as we saw from the Top’s brainwashing, another by-product of Identity Crisis. Throw Zoom, the new incarnation of the Flash’s foe, and the old Professor Zoom—no way this couldn’t be more exciting.

The trick in any superhero story is making you think the character is going to die; failing that, that they will suffer a major loss. We’ve always been worried frantically about Linda Park Allen. In Flash #200, we watched in horror as Zoom caused a sonic boom that destroyed the lives of Wally and Linda’s unborn children. It was the type of Gwen Stacy moment from Spider-Man, when something horrible happens but it works as the most powerful fiction does, and you remember it for decades afterward. The hardcore Flash fans knew something was coming: it was foreshadowed in a book called "The Life Story of the Flash". Written by Iris Allen (Mark Waid), several years into the future, the book foretold of a tragedy that would happen to Wally’s twin children. That apparently came to an end when Linda miscarried after Zoom’s attack. In issue #225, Wally is forced by both Zooms to watch this horrible tragedy over and over until he’s saved by…Barry Allen. This isn’t Barry’s first appearance. He appeared in that same issue #200 saying that he would appear during the three hardest days of Wally’s life: 200 being the first, 225 being the second, and what do you want to bet Infinite Crisis will be the third?

As tragic as the loss of the children from issue #200 was, it fit the story completely. The event alluded to in Iris Allen’s book was revealed. Barry appeared along with Hal Jordan, who at that time was the Spectre. Jordan used his powers to transform Wally’s world so that no one remembered his secret identity, except for Batman and Zoom. Wally’s world changed (with the brilliant addition of artist Alberto Dose) and became darker. This remained until Wally regained his knowledge and revealed his identity to his wife, the other Flashes, and the Justice League—just as ex-JLA artist Howard Porter became the penciller of the series.

So…the driving force of the past twenty five issues was this terrible event. And now, through the fight between Wally and Zoom, it’s all undone. Linda doesn’t miscarry. Back in the present (which will learn is months after issue #200), she almost dies, but rebounds and then has the twins. It’s a fast one—Johns had us thinking that Linda might die, creating an enormous tension in the story. Then he pulls the rug out from under us, by showing the twins. I don’t quite like it. I’m all for happy endings, but I had really bought into the tragedy and thought it made Wally into a finer hero. Time travel as a device to get out of trouble really bothers me when it’s used, because it’s too cheap and opens up so many questions. Zoom himself became evil because Wally wouldn’t use time travel to under Hunter Zolomon’s accident. The difference is that Wally didn’t use time travel deliberately; it was Zoom’s second attack that actually wound up saving Linda when Wally defended her.

It isn’t the best way for Johns to bow out of the series. Yet he does, and his farewell page reminds us of the characters he breathed new life into. Now we have to read a few months of fill-ins while we wait to see if Wally survives the next Crisis any better than his mentor did. Nuff said.