Final Crisis: June 2008 Archives

Anthro, the first Cro-Magnon boy in the DC Universe, is one of those obscure characters from the 1960s that aging fanboys remember.  He only appeared in seven comics on his own: Showcase #74 and Anthro #1-6.  His creator, Howie Post, isn't that well known today.  So why do aging fanboys love Anthro?

It's all because of this single issue, Anthro #6 (published in 1969), which introduced a generation of geeks to the pleasures of a catfight.

This cover has everything a man or a boy (in my case back in 1969) craves to see.  Two women fighting over him.  One is a blond, the other is a brunette, the classic Betty vs Veronica dynamic exploding into physical violence.  Hair-pulling, legs tangling...even in my pre-pubescent state, something stirred in my loins.  Anthro's smirk as he watches these women fight to mate with him is just the cherry on top of the cake. 

The plot is pretty simple: through a comedy of errors, Anthro is somehow pledged to marry two pre-historic women, Embra and Nima.  There is an Archie-like quality here, as Embra is depicted as blonde-wholesome, while Nima is brunette-wicked.  The elders who interpret the law declare "...the females in challenge must fight with their bare hands till one fails to rise!  She, who stands, shall be the bride of Anthro!"

It's a nasty catfight.  As you can see, the evil-brunette Nima fights really dirty.  Wally Wood inked this issue, and you can see influence on the pencils.  I wonder if Wood also influenced the storyline?  He's the man who gave us Power Girl, after all!

The fight comes down to a draw when both women fall off a cliff and lose consciousness.  Fortunately, when the Elders were drafting the laws of Cro-Magnon society, they spent time thinking about female catfights and their possible outcomes.  The law states that in the case of a draw, Anthro must marry both bitches!  Oh yes! 

My imagine ran overtime about what we would see in Anthro #7.  Would the splash page feature Anthro waking up in his cave, with both Embra and Nima under bear-skin blankets?  Sadly, it was not meant to be...Anthro #6 was the last issue.  Anthro's Wikipedia entry states that "Embra lives to bear his child" but I don't know where that happened in DC history.

This scene probably was inspired by the classic B-movie One Million Years B.C. that came out a few years earlier in 1966.  You've probably seen the classic poster which featured Raquel Welch in a loincloth.  There was a scene where she fought another cavegirl played by Martine Beswick (who had another classic catfight in From Russia With Love). 

Women are no doubt disgusted by this, but here it is, our dirty little secret revealed, why DC Comics fanboys love Anthro.  Nuff said.

Grant Morrison told us that Final Crisis would begin with the first boy on Earth (Anthro) and end with the last boy on Earth (Kamandi).  I was thrilled and surprised to see Anthro and Kamandi actually meeting in the future, against that iconic Planet of the Apes inspired backdrop of the Statue of Liberty sinking into the ocean.  Judging from reader reaction, only the hardcore DC old-timers know anything about these characters.

For me, this was the most exciting moment of Final Crisis 1.

Everything else was all setup.

I could see it coming that the Seven Soldiers versions of the New Gods were brought about by the Death of the New Gods and Countdown.  I also knew that Jonn J'onzz, Martian Manhunter, would be the hero getting killed.  The solicitations gave this away, even if you didn't see it coming in Salvation Run.  The death scene lacks any kind of drama or fanfare as Jonn goes out with a whimper.  There's going to be a Requiem special, but does anyone doubt that Jonn  J'onzz will be back one day?

Death has no meaning in the DC Universe.  Say that five times as you read this article where Geoff Johns confirms that Barry Allen is returning.

Compared to other big universe-spanning event books, Final Crisis 1 feels like a detective story in comparison.  The Guardians and Green Lantern Corps are investigating the New Gods situation and putting New Earth on lockdown.  The Monitors are punishing Uotan for the loss of Earth-51 (destroyed in Countdown) by banishing him to live as a mortal man.  Is that who we see on the last page?  And the Monitors talk about preserving the Orrery of Worlds...which I assume is the model of the DC Multiverse.

It's an intriguing first issue and I'm interested to see where the story goes from here.  But I can't imagine this expanding DC's fanbase, not in the way that Secret Invasion or 1985 can reach out to casual Marvel readers.  Nuff said.