Comic Books: January 2006 Archives

The Defenders mini-series by Giffen, DeMatteis, and Maguire wrapped up last week. It was pretty funny, although I think they forced the bickering between Dr. Strange, Hulk, and Namor. How many times do we need to hear that Namor is PRINCE Namor or that he detests Dr. Strange? Those jokes got old for a while. I'll always remember the scene with Hulk boinking Umar. Kevin Maguire's artwork was totally awesome.

We kept waiting for the Silver Surfer to leave the beach bonfire and come to the rescue of the Big Three. It never happened! He partied with the surfer dudes for the entire story--I think this is the first time I've seen Norrin Radd hang out with actual surfers. We got this soliloquy on the last page, which is this weird combination of Stan Lee, Shakespeare, and Gidget...

This is the Silver Surfer's finest speech. "O Dudes and Bettys." Nuff said.

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If Nextwave isn't the pick of the week, I'll buy Cousin Dick the Dukes of Hazzard DVD collection. Very few comic books are funny, and even fewer are hilarious enough to make me laugh out loud, but I did frequently while reading Nextwave. I don't want to quote my favorite lines as it would spoil it for you. High fives to Warren Ellis for bringing back Fin Fang Foom and making it worthwhile. Everytime I see this Godzilla rip-off I roll my eyes, but I actually enjoyed this appearance. I pride myself on near encyclopedic knowledge of super-heroes, but even I had to stretch my memory to figure out who Tabitha (or Tabby as they call her) was; it's Boom Boom from the New Mutants and X-Force! Stuart Immonen's artwork is a real departure--when I first saw the pages I couldn't tell who drew it. It's not Immonen's usual smooth superhero style that we've seen in Superman or Ultimate Fantastic Four. It's more like a fusion of Howard Chaykin, manga, and various British artists like Jim Balkie. It's very good work, clear and crisp storytelling, and the coloring is excellent.

No knowledge of the Marvel Universe is required, although if you know that Dirk Anger is a parody of Nick Fury, it makes the joke better. I think this book can do well with the manga crowd, and maybe they could even turn it into an animated series if they figure out another name for Captain Fuck. My only complaint is that the first issue goes by so quickly and leaves you hungry for more. Go read this, now! Nuff said.

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If you're watching the Shield on FX network (and if you are not watching it, you really should be), then you've seen the ads for a new reality show called "Black. White.". It's co-produced by Ice Cube. In the promos you see white and black people trading races using Hollywood-style makeup techniques. It's an intriguing idea for a reality show and I am very interested to watch the first episode. Where did they get this idea? Two sources come to mind.

The first is Lois Lane 106, my favorite issue from Lois Lane's entire comic book run. (Keep in mind that this was published in 1970, when civil rights issues were still hot, and DC tried to address them in various ways. ) Titled "I Am Curious (Black)!" (a takeoff on a popular X-rated movie title), Lois takes a trip to Harlem for a story about the neighborhood. She finds herself shut out by the black community. What's an ace reporter to do?

She tells Superman, who takes her to the Fortress of Solitude, and uses a machine to turn her into a black woman. I like how the hair changes into an afro. I think her boobs get a little bigger. Superman's obviously not doing us any favors by keeping this machine all to himself.

After changing her race, Lois discovers how African Americans face discrimination and poverty. Then she confronts Superman and asks if he would marry her now that she is black! Yooww. Teri Hatcher ain't enough for you, Superman, so how about a little Beyonce? His answer is still the same: I can't marry you because you'd be a target for my enemies. In other words, Superman's gonna play the field because it's the swinging 70's and he's wide open, baby!

Of course, I don't believe this is the inspiration for Black White. I doubt Ice Cube read Lois Lane comics from the 1970s. But I bet that Ice Cube did see the classic Eddie Murphy video on Saturday Night Live where he becomes a white man (you can view it here). Murphy discovers that white people get a lot of things for free, like newspapers and bank loans. Parties erupt on buses when the last black person exits (cocktails are served). It's one of the funniest things Murphy has ever done. Nuff said.

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I've previously ranted about how much I loved the Fleisher/Aparo version of the Spectre. I've pleaded for a return to that version. Dave from Yet Another Comics Blog took issue with my naming this the all-time greatest Spectre team, since he thinks the John Ostrander/Tom Mandrake run was the best. There's a cool interview with them over at Silver Bullet Comics. I haven't read this series yet, although it's on my reading pile and I'll get to it after I finish getting caught up with Exiles. Those Spectre covers really make me want to read faster. God, I loved Ostrander's Suicide Squad, one of the best DC series ever written. Nuff said.

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I can't tell you how much I hate this fucking new Spider-Man costume...

Mostly, I hate it just because the whole Other yarn sucks. I don't like the whole Spider-mythos taking over Peter Parker's origin. I think those stingers that burst out of Peter's wrists are a lame attempt at making him more like Wolverine. Wasn't Spider-Man pretty cool already? What was wrong with Peter Parker that needed fixing? If you want to do something dramatic, mess around with his personal life. Kill Mary Jane or have her divorce Peter. Revitalize Spider-Man's classic rogues gallery. Make Spider-Man a vigilante wanted by the cops. OK, I am probably complaining because I'm an old bastard who doesn't like change. But look at what happened in the past when other classic characters were changed...

The perfect example is Blue Superman. After some lame accident, Superman's Kryptonian powers were altered. He became a blue lighting bolt, zipping around the skies and shooting electrical beams to zap his enemies. The change affected all the Superman titles, as well as the JLA, for a few months. Grant Morrison was told after the fact that Superman had become blue when a JLA issue had to be hastily changed. I remember during this event, Alex Toth wrote an editorial for the Comics Buyers Guide where he berated DC for letting this happen to a classic figure. Toth wondered if Disney would Mickey Mouse to be so radically altered from his classic look.

Then we had this god awful version of Batman with the 500th issue of his series. OK, it wasn't Bruce Wayne wearing this stupid outfit--it was Azrael. We still had to put up with it for a year until Bruce Wayne recovered from a broken back. A whole year! I think it looks hideous, especially that utility belt around his thigh. It looks like an S&M garter belt.

Just to show you that DC tried to revamp the Big Three, here is Wonder Woman's alternative costume. Now this did make sense in the story, because Diana had given up the Wonder Woman title to Artemis and needed something new to wear. This little number, with the biker-style shorts, bra, and short blue jacket, is pretty sexy. Especially when she fought the Cheetah--the jacket was ripped to shreds and Diana fought almost topless in the bra. Meoooww! Bolland drew great covers with it (you can see some of them in my Bolland cover gallery), but alas, Diana returned to the classic look after issue 100. I'd like to think that Diana still wears this outfit when she's not on the job, like maybe when she goes to the gym or the supermarket. But I digress...

Let's get back to the current villains over at Mighty Marvel. We can't blame Joe Quesada for everything, this shit has been going on forever. They learned about what a big sales impact costume changes made with the first appearance of the black costume in Amazing Spider-Man 252. Coinciding with the first Secret Wars mini-series, in a way this was Marvel's version of One Year Later. The heroes had spent a year on another planet and returned to Earth with all kinds of changes. Peter Parker had found the alien symbiote that bonded itself to his skin and became the black costume. There was plenty of outrage at the time. Yes, it was designed to sell toys. Yes, it was always going to be temporary. But I goddamn loved it. It was simple, elegant, and somehow just made Peter feel more spider-like--without giving him six arms or stingers. Yeah, I'm inconsistent. If Marvel had brought this costume back during the Other then I'd jump for joy. The black costume is cool, Iron Spidey isn't. Bite me.

When Spider-Man's sales shot up, then Marvel tried the same trick with other heroes. Captain America did one of his periodic I-can't-take-it-anymore things with the government and resigned. (Thinking back on it, how can he resign if he doesn't really get paid?) Instead of becoming the Nomad (like he did when he quit before), he gives up his old costume, and puts this black number on. He calls himself The Captain, just to make a point that he no longer represents the USA. But I still see plenty of patriotic colors here, Steve! A man named John Walker became the new Captain America and dispatched America's enemies with brutality. When Rodgers became Captain America again, Walker put on the black uniform to become USAgent. And just so you are totally confused, none of this at all relates to The Captain that will be appearing in Warren Ellis' Nextwave.

Daredevil's red pajamas were considered too gaudy for a period of time. Or maybe they just thought that a man running around in red looked really gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). His costume was redesigned with this black and red body armor that made him look like a butch badass. Frank Miller made a short comment about this in one publication, saying that it was a shame, because he thought the Wally Wood designed costume was wonderful. It only lasted for a year or so. Thank goodness, or else we never would have seen Ben Affleck make that red outfit look cool! Yeah, right. At one time, Marvel did a house ad showing the heroes with new looks: Spider-Man, The Captain, Daredevil, Iron Man, and Thor. Each time they repeated the experiment, the results were the same: sales would take off like a rocket. First appearances of the new costumes were in high demand at comic shops. Then after a year, sales would dive down and the characters would revert back to their classic uniforms.

I'm sure Iron Spidey will repeat the history. It's going to sell a lot of toys, statues, and variant covers for Marvel. Judging from what I see on message boards, kids and teenagers love Iron Spidey, while the older folks hate it. I just feel sorry for Mary Jane. How could you make love to Peter and not be worried about a stinger erupting from his body? Grounds for a divorce, I would say. Nuff said.

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Flash #230, written by Joey Cavaleri, marks the last issue of the Flash's current run. Instead of wrapping up 20 years of history with a touching farewell, it is just pointless filler material. It tries to bring Wally's adventures full circle, by having him fight the same villain from Flash #1: Vandal Savage. I couldn't get into the story. Savage is so over the top, with his little space cult, and dropping names like Chairman Mao. It really has no meaning or impact on Wally's life and really suffers in comparison to Johns' last two years on the book.

Long time Flash fans will remember Flash 350, which was the final issue for the Barry Allen character. Written by Cary Bates and appropriately drawn by Carmine Infantino (the greatest silver age Flash artist), this issue wrapped up two years worth of plotlines and reunited Barry with his wife Iris--who we all thought had been killed by Professor Zoom! It gave Barry and Iris a brief bit of happiness in the future--enough time for them to conceive twins. The ominous caption in the last page read "They all lived happily ever after...for a little while."

DC should have ended the series with Geoff Johns' final issue, which had a great sendoff to Wally West. It eerily paralleled Flash V1 350, by resolving the most tragic event in Wally and Linda's marriage--losing her unborn babies. Wally undid the tragic event in a near-fatal confrontation with Zoom. He ran off down the road with memories of his past adventures, like a cowboy riding off into the sunset.

The events in Infinite Crisis #4 are really intriguing. The Wests are leaving Earth for another place, but where? A new Earth? Or perhaps the future, where Barry found refuge? I can't wait to find out. On the other hand, I'm not too excited about Bart becoming the Flash, but I'll give it a chance. Wally becoming the Flash was a big event, but it felt like he earned it with numerous Flash appearances, short stories, and as a founding member of the Teen Titans. I'm sure younger fans can say the same about Bart. Flash #1 with Bart feels weird. Nuff said.

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When I think of comic book stories that are absolutely perfect, from beginning to end, there are very few. Stan Lee and Steve Ditko did a great job on the Master Planner trilogy in Amazing Spider-Man. Lee and Jack Kirby wrote a great Fantastic Four two-parter called "Battle for the Baxter Building". Alan Moore's two-parter "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow" story that ended Superman's last incarnation was a timeless classic. Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely had a nice streak with the first few issues of New X-Men, and now they've done it again with the second issue of A.S.S. (All-Star Superman).

It's not that anything super-monumental happens in this story. It's Morrison and Quitely's interpretation of the classic Silver Age Superman. Having revealed his secret identity to Lois Lane, he gives her a tour of his Fortress of Solitude. While it's still in the Arctic and requires a key to open the door, not everything is as it was in the 70s. The key is different and so are the robots that take care of the Fortress. As Superman escorts Lois through his secret hideout, Morrison reminds us what was great about this era. It was magical, mythological, and it makes the present-day Superman pale in comparison. While today's Superman gets imbroiled in one super-battle after another, the Silver Age Superman explored his universe. He took trips into the bottled city of Kandor, fell in love with mermaids, and rescued near-extinct animals for his private zoo. Not to say that every Silver Age story was a classic, but the mythology gave writers all the tools they needed to tell a good story. If Superman ever got stale, it wasn't a fault of being too powerful or having too many Kryptonians around--it was because whoever wrote those stories couldn't think of new problems for Superman to face. For that to work, you need a big thinker to create bigger problems. You need writers like Alan Moore or Grant Morrison.

When Morrison and Quitely work together, the result is an awesome blend of imagination. The pacing of the story beats are just perfect. This particular story isn't about Superman as much as it is about Lois Lane (she's the narrator). Feeling stupid and paranoid after learning about Clark Kent, she doesn't quite believe that she was so naive. As Superman lists the many ways he fooled Lois over the years, her paranoia increases. Lois has never been drawn sexier than with Quitely behind the pencil. I can almost imagine Lois being played by Evangeline Lilly if this were a movie. If you've seen the solicitation for A.S.S. #3, then you know Lois becomes a super-hero, and that costume looks pretty fine. I think Quitely will be getting plenty of requests for Lois sketches in the future. Nuff said.

Extra:
Horcast podcast interview with Frank Quitely

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Infinite Crisis #4 was the most action packed issue to date. We witnessed the following:

- The fate of Wally West and Bart Allen.
- The masterplan of Alexander Luthor.
- Why the magic was stolen in Day of Vengence.
- How the OMACs went berserk.
- Why the Villains got United.
- Secrets of the Rann-Thanagar War's Vortex.
- The storm over Bludhaven.
- Batman working with Dick Grayson to bring the heroes back together.
- Superboy going apeshit and losing control.
- The new host for the Spectre.
- The re-emergence of Earth-2 (my favorite moment).

I loved it, with some minor quibbles. Alexander Luthor is a hero. Can he run for President in 2008? Anyone who can outfox the magical heroes, Batman, the current Lex Luthor, and figure out how to build a pitchfork in order to bring back Earth-2--has gotta be the smartest man alive. And the luckiest.

The whole sequence with the Flashes had me on pins and needles. It's obvious that Wally doesn't die, he just goes somewhere else. Earth-3? Bart definitely has to take over. The Superboy battle was a good way to clear out some bottom-tier characters that no one likes. Goodbye, Wildebeest! I'd like to see someone compile a body count.

Just what did Alexander Luthor do to pass the time since the first Crisis? Read his blog here. I think it was Brokeback Mountain that finally caused him to break out of his prison. Nuff said.

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I live near San Francisco, but I've never made a trip to Isotope Comics on Fell street. After seeing this video of Jim Lee's recent visit, maybe I should go there! Every comic shop I went to in the past had a bunch of fat slobs debating Hulk vs. Thor. These hipsters are drinking Anchorsteam, trading cigars, and they've actually got attractive chicks waiting to get their books signed! Maybe it's all the magic of Mr. Lee bringing them in. It's gotta be worth a trip to Isotope just to see those toilet seats drawn by famous artists. The Isotope guys also write The Savage Critic, more or less weekly, and their comments are dead-on and very funny. Nuff said.

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We saw the Spectre being sent off for a new incarnation in the Day of Vengence Special. I mentioned that Jim Corrigan was back in Gotham Central and might become the Spectre again. Now I am not so sure. I went out and read the last few Gotham Centrals to get caught up on the storyline. Jim Corrigan is a crooked cop in the Gotham City police department, a very Ellroy-esque type of cop. Corrigan is a crime scene technician (not a detective) who is usually the first on the scene of any crime he's involved in. He's run afoul of Detectives Montoya and Allen. The former beat the shit out of him, while the latter tails Corrigan and uses an informant to sting him. Too bad for Cripus Allen; Corrigan stumbles onto the sting and murders Allen in cold blood. Does this stop Corrigan from becoming the Spectre?

Searching the comic book forums, I see all kinds of speculation. Some people think Corrigan will be the Spectre because the upcoming mini-series is called Dead Again. Other people think it's going to be Crispus Allen, because he's been an atheist over the entire run of Gotham Central. Witness this blurb from Wizard: A new Spectre rises in this three-issue mini-series by Will Pfeifer and artist Al Barrionuevo (Gotham Knights), but he's not the most willing Spirt of Vengeance. "He barely believes in the afterlife and wants no part of the Spectre's concept of Divine Justice," says Pfeifer. "Too bad he has no choice in the matter." (The Allen-theorists also believe that Corrigan will become the new Eclipso.) A few believe that DC won't left the Spectre be such a low-profile supporting character. They say that Bruce Wayne might die and become the Spectre. That might be a cool Elseworlds idea, but DC won't kill off Bruce Wayne.

Personally, I think the Spectre needs to be seriously de-powered and very closely tied to a human personality in order to sustain a series. He's currently too all-powerful to sustain much interest. The Spectre has never been better than the Michael Fleisher/Jim Aparo series in Adventure Comics. That had some interesting themes which could be re-explored now: Corrigan's relationship with other people (always having a certain distance because he's dead), his relationship with The Voice (God), and dispatching criminals with utter delight. The Spectre needs to be about vengence, not redemption. I'd love to see the Spectre pal around with the Justice Society again. Nuff said.

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There's a neat little Deadman short story in Solo #8, written by Neil Gaiman. Deadman talks to a little girl and tells her about the type of things he does for fun. This is always how I imagined Deadman would act if he were a real person. If I were Deadman, I'd slip into Ben Afflect right before he slides into Jennifer Garner. Let the other guy do all the dirty work and reap the rewards. Take hold of Ellen DeGeneres for a night with Portia De Rossi. Get together with Demi Moore by taking...no, I'd never possess Ashton. Or drink as much as you want, then leave the hangover to someone else. Get a bodybuilder to eat all those pizzas and ice cream. Deadman could really wreak havoc with the world. What if he possessed Bush during a news conference and made him say, "Yeah, we knew there were no weapons of mass destruction, we just wanted the oil. So what? Are you guys driving rickshaws?"

This issue focuses on the art of Teddy Kristiansen. The Deadman story is the only one featuring a DC character. The rest are all esoteric stories featuring Kristiansen's nineteenth century style artwork. A very unique DC comic.

I am so glad no one is drawing that freaky Kelly Jones Deadman any more. Deadman is one of my favorite DC characters. Nuff said.

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I really didn't think the Day of Vengence mini-series was all that hot. It ended with the Rock of Eternity getting blown up and left the Spectre free to continue his magical assisinations. We couldn't possibly expect Detective Chimp and Blue Devil to save the day, could we? The Day of Vengence Infinite Crisis Special is much better, or maybe it just seems that way since I had low expectations. Things actually happen! Dr. Fate teams up with the Phantom Stranger, the Shadowpact, Zatanna, and just about every third rate mystical character you can think of. There are fanboys who will pay $4 alone just to see Zatanna in her fishnets, so right off the bat, this special offers more than the mini-series.

Spoiler warning: if you don't want to know the ending, turn back now. There are big ramifications here for the rest of the DC Universe and the Infinite Crisis. Dr. Fate is now bodiless and driven by Nabu, but he's pretty much the only person with enough mana and balls to stop the Spectre. Once the mystical army assembles, Fate says something quite shocking: instead of stopping the Spectre, let's help him! There's too much mystical mumbo jumbo going on! The mystical heroes arrive in Gotham City to pick up all the rocks that make up the Rock of Eternity. (Some of these heroes you haven't seen in a while: Jennifer Morgan, Zauriel, Black Orchid, and Rex the Wonder Dog.) While they assemble that back together, the Shadowpact tracks down the Seven Deadly Sins and traps them in Shazam's vases. It's good fun, especially when Blue Devil finds lust inhabiting Witchfire. (I think if lust inhabited Zatanna, all fanboys would be utterly helpless. Wait a minute. Isn't that the case already?) The sins all get captured. The Rock of Eternity gets assembled, but Captain Marvel will need to live inside it for a while. Nightshade gets captured by Felix Faust and his demons, presumably for Luthor to stick into the giant tuning fork that we saw in Infinite Crisis #3.

Back to the main event. Dr. Fate fights a big mystical battle with the Spectre. Lots of flashing lights and computer colored graphics. Fate muses about who has been pulling the Spectre's strings in order to make him eradicate magice. He loses to the Spectre--maybe on purpose. Fate is the last of the Lords of Order and Chaos. With his death, the supreme authority (G.O.D.) steps in and withdraws the Spectre. Fate and the other Lords had been working on a new female host for the Spectre. Now that HE is stepping in, HE will find a new host. (This is a little too Christian and male centric for me. I liked Deadman's God, the female Rama chick a lot better.) Fate has a few moments left to return to the mystical heroes and tell them that the Ninth Age of Magic is over and soon the Tenth Age will begin. A new host for the Spectre has already been determined. Fate's helmet is incredibly de-powered now: the history of all the previous Fate's are gone, and so is that inner universe where we last saw Hector and Ayla Hall. There's still enough power in the helmet for a new Dr. Fate, so Detective Chimp immediately tries it on for size. Since it doesn't fit, Chimp asks Captain Marvel to throw it away as far as possible! He sounds mad.

The artwork in this issue is really good. There's a full page spread of the mystical army--I captured a small version of it above--by Justiano that is just incredible. I love the cover by Simonson which mimics the old Doorway to Nightmare covers by Kaluta.

We'll have to wait and see what happens now. Who is pulling the strings? The Spectre had a big role in the last Crisis, stopping the Anti-Monitor at the last moment from nullifying the universe. Is he somehow behind this? Since Jim Corrigan is back in Gotham Central, will he be the new host for the Spectre? And Dr. Fate's helmet, who gets it? I haven't really been jazzed about any Fate since the original guy, Kent Nelson. Will he come back with the other Earth-2 heroes? I just gotta live longer enough to find out. Nuff said.

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During my Iron Man origin story research, I came across this bit of fun in Iron Man #144 (Volume 1). Written by Iron-scribe David Micheline and co-plotted by Bob Layton, it featured one of those Vietnam flashbacks into Tony Stark's first appearance as Shellhead. But with a difference-this story concentrates on what happened after Tony escaped General Chu's army. How did he get back to Saigon?

He meets Rhodey. For those of you under 18, his full name is Jim Rhodes and later on he became Tony's best friend, the second person ever to become Iron Man, and eventually the new hero called War Machine. At this point in time, he's just a helicopter pilot trying to survive the war. And just how does he survive?

Yeah, by rolling a joint and getting high! Tony's try to play it cool and pretend Iron Man is another fella. Meanwhile, he really wants a puff. Almost getting killed in the jungle is a good excuse to get stoned, if you ask me.

Unfortunately, those iron mitts aren't built for smoking. Tony crushes it and just has to deal with reality. I can't believe this made it through Marvel editorial. Would it pass through today? Maybe.

It does give Rhodey a kick in the butt to make it back to Saigon, where he makes the best friend he could ever have. Who wouldn't want to be Tony Stark's wingman when he goes out cruising for babes? I liked Rhodey. I liked Bethany Cabe, too. Nuff said.

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Iron Man #5 (by Warren Ellis and Ari Granov) came out this week. My records indicate that issue #4 came out around August; I don't know if this is really true but it was a long time ago! The series is hurt by these delays, as the story structure is decompressed storytelling at its peak. Issue #1 sets up the new villain (a terrorist injected with Extremis nanotechnology) and Tony Stark takes a ride in his Iron Man armor. Issue #2 has Tony taking a trip to see an old friend while the terrorist starts killing people. Issue #3 they fight. Issue #4, Iron Man is critically injured when the terrorist drops a car on him. And in the latest issue, we get to the meat of the story--Tony undergoes a dramatic change in order to survive. I'm not a big fan of decompressed storytelling, but this particular tale has me hooked (although I'd advise anyone to wait for the trade). Ellis' new technology for Iron Man is fascinating to me for a few reasons. One, throughout the last 40 years, there's been a constant need to make Tony Stark's life depend on technology. Two, Ellis is competing with Orson Scott Card, who has revamped the Ultimate version of Iron Man.

Way back in Tales of Suspense 39 (the first appearance of Iron Man), Stan Lee wrote the classic origin. While Tony Stark is visiting Vietnam (working with military on new weapons), he steps on a landmine and gets captured by the Vietcong. A piece of shrapnel is lodged near his heart. General Wong Chu tells Stark to build him a new weapon and in return, he'll save Stark's life. Yeah, right, buddy, you just gave Stark free access to a lab--he's going to kick your butt! This was how that scene looked when it was drawn by Don Heck, but it's constantly been retold and revamped through the ages.

Archie Goodwin and Gene Colan recapped the origin in Iron Man #1 a few years later. Tony was helped by Professor Ho Yinsen to build the first Iron Man armor. Not only would it help Tony kick butt, it would keep him alive by stabilizing his heart beat. Kind of like a pacemaker, which didn't exist in such a small form in the 1960s.

Kurt Busiek and Sean Chen also revisited this scene in Iron Man #1, volume 3. Pretty much the same story. Tony's dependence on the armor to keep his heart beating was a useful plot device. He would fight a baddie, get his power depleted, and limp over to Avengers Mansion, where Jarvis would plug his chestplate in for a battery recharge.

Flash forward to 2005, with Ellis and Granov's version of the origin in Iron Man #5, volume 4. This updates the origin, getting us out of Vietnam and into the Afghanistan invasion. Marvel time, ain't it great! As we saw previously in issue #1, Stark was injured in Afghanistan while working with the military. The twist is that he was injured by one of his own landmines. He's taken prisoner by Al Qaeda, but we don't see a General, Bin Laden, or anyone in charge. His predicament is explained by Ho Yinsen, who again helps him build the armor that will save his life. Pretty incredible that the terrorists leave those guys the fuck alone for hours or days to build this incredible weapon!

What happens when puts on this armor for the first time? In the Stan Lee version, he falls down and stumbles before he gets good feel for it. Professor Yinsen distracts the Vietcong and gets killed while Stark is getting his act together.

In the Ellis version, it's time for revenge. His armor still resembles the grey prototype from Tales of Suspense 39. Presumably because the room that Stark and Yinsen were in had old computers and outdated electronics. We don't really see Yinsen get killed in this version, maybe he's still alive.

Even though Ellis has updated the origin, we still have to assume that some of the pre-existing continuity is still intact. What happened to that pesky shrapnel in Stark's heart? It was removed and Stark's heart was repaired with artificial tissue. Archie Goodwin wrote this issue, but later on, many other writers regretted losing this device.

David Micheline and Bob Layton were one of the greatest creative teams on Iron Man, serving two stints on the book (116-157 and 215-250). Tony Stark became a hedonistic playboy, resembling a modern day Richie Rich with his vehicles, mansions, and babes. One of the women, Kathy Dare, couldn't get over being dumped and shot Tony in issue 242 (volume 1). The bullet grazed Tony's spinal cord and left him unable to walk. But he could walk and fly--as Iron Man! He got an operation in issue 248, where a microchip implanted into his spine allowed Tony to walk again. Later, this chip was hacked and it caused Tony to be trapped inside the Iron Man armor.

In the Ellis version, we also have to assume that Tony's shrapnel situation has been resolved. He gets pretty banged up during the fight with the Extremis terrorist. It's so bad he can't lift a bloody car off his chest. Stark is seriously injured. Whatcha gonna do?

Tony works with the scientist who helped create the Extremis nanotechnology, who just happens to be an old girlfriend. He gets shot up with a specially configured dose of this Extremis goo, and he becomes a living, breathing nano-machine. I don't want to show it here and spoil it, because it's rather cool. Suffice to say that Tony's life is intertwined with the tech and the Iron Man armor will now once again fit into a briefcase. Although I didn't see a Tivo in there.

Now here's the interesting part. At the same time that Ellis is revamping old Marvel Universe Iron Man, Orson Scott Card is doing the same thing for Ultimate Iron Man. Card just throws out that business about being in a war and captured by terrorists. He looks at the problem with Tony Stark needing technology to save his life. Card asks, why wasn't it that way from the beginning? We see how Howard Stark, Tony's father, developed a nano bio-armor that protects the wearer from physical harm. His mother, Maria, is working on a regeneration virus that will help missing limbs grow back. She's accidentally infected with the virus while pregnant with Tony. On a fetus, the virus causes Tony's neural tissue to develop at an advanced rate. Tony will be a super-genius kid, but his skin will feel like a bad third degree burn. Right after he's born (and his mother dies), Howard pours the bio-armor over the baby to protect him. Tony has to wear the bio-armor everyday for the rest of his life!

So which origin is cooler, Ellis or Card's? I like what Ellis is doing, but Card's premise is such a departure that I love it. Maybe I'm just a sucker for super-smart kids like in Ender's Game and I love seeing that with Tony Stark. I'm not yet sure why a regeneration virus can grow back Tony's foot in issue 3, but it can't fix his burning skin or his brain tumor in the Ultimates. We are still in the early stages of both revamps, so it will be interesting to see where they go from here. Nuff said.

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Chickens are coming home to roost in Catwoman #50. In the recent JLA: Crisis of Confidence arc, we saw that everything Zatanna did to brainwash Dr. Light, Batman, and the Secret Society of Supervillains, became generally known to the DC universe. What we found, with some surprise, was that Batman was feeling remorseful over Selina Kyle. Selina had been turned from villain to hero by Zatanna; Batman thought the personality change had been of her own free will. And now Zatanna visits Selina to reveal what has been done. How will it affect Selina's future and her relationship with Batman?

You have to wonder why there are any villains left in the DC universe. Marvel's original Squadron Supreme miniseries, written by Mark Grunewald, had the same situation with brainwashing villains. Tom Thumb, the Squadron's super scientist, created a machine that would re-engineer brain patterns that would convert any villain to a hero. The Squadron converted almost their entire rogues gallery. The plan became undone when the Squadron's version of Batman, Nighthawk, rebelled against the Squadron and used the machine to reverse the process. It's kind of ironic, now that I remember all of this, because the Squadron was basically Marvel's version of the Justice League. Grunewald did it all before and in twelve issues!

Even this thing with having Catwoman change from villain to hero to villain is not new. Back in the 80s, when Doug Moench wrote Batman, Catwoman worked so closely with the caped crusader, she was almost his sidekick. The secret identity thing was blown open and the two were in love. I think Bruce Wayne was even getting laid. Then along came Mike Barr, who took over Detective Comics for a nice little run with Alan Davis. The first two part story from Barr was the Joker capturing Catwoman and brainwashing her to become bad (in the process forgetting about Bruce Wayne). Barr called this the "re-villification" of Catwoman. You could see Barr's reasons for doing so. Number one, Catwoman's original role was always meant to be a femme fatale, not a good girl. Number two, you can't have Batman getting too happy in his personal life.

At the conclusion of Catwoman 50, we don't know where Selina is going. Hero, villain, or something in-between? The publicity blurbs about a new Catwoman after the One Year Later gap are intriguing. Will DC let Selina and Bruce get married like the Earth-2 versions? I can't imagine they'll be that bold, but I can't wait to see. Nuff said.

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I just saw the most bizarre comedian on G4's X-Play. During a review of the awful Fantastic Four game, they made it funny by cutting to a comedian called Roger: The Stan Lee Experience. He sounds and looks like Stan Lee...not really at all! He told this one joke that I found funny...

"Stan": Kirby walks into my office and pitches the idea for the FF. I said: "That's the dumbest idea I ever heard! Get the fuck out of my office!" Not five seconds later, I copyright the idea and the money rolls in like gangbusters. Kirby never got a cent. What a dumbass!

There's some truth in this. Stan Lee didn't get a copyright, but he has a pretty good financial deal with Marvel. Kirby couldn't even get all of his original artwork back. Stan was smart enough to protect himself.

Let me know if you've seen this dude at conventions! Nuff said.

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A while back there was a news release about Warren Ellis doing a revamp on Marvel's New Universe. I hadn't thought of the old New Universe in a long time. Ever since Stan Lee departed, Marvel's rotating editorial board always tries to create a brand new world of characters every decade or so. Jim Shooter decided to use Marvel's 25th anniversary to create the New Universe. I forget who the editor was that gave the go-ahead on the 2099 universe in the 90s. Joe Quesada and Bill Jemas created the Ultimate universe and were the first ones to acceptably spin off a new one.

Jim Shooter was a controversial figure for Marvel in the 80s. He had very firm ideas about storytelling that he wanted writers and editors to follow. He wanted a recap of current plotlines in the beginning of each story; he often wanted a restatement of the character's origin, even for Spider-Man; he didn't like original ending to X-Men 137 and told Claremont\Byrne to have Jean Grey killed instead. He created the first Secret War mini-series, which features my favorite line from Johnny Storm: "No time for chippies now!" A lot of people villified Shooter, but I think you have to look at the good things he accomplished. He worked with Marvel's executive staff to put in a royalty program and health insurance for freelancers. The royalty program made a lot of money for Marvel's writers and artists, as they had all the top selling titles. He worked with Archie Goodwin to start the Epic comics line, which allowed creator-owned material like Dreadstar and Moonshadow to be published. He also pushed the Marvel Graphic Novel line, which did such blockbusters as The Death of Captain Marvel. And he took chances in the main Marvel line, by allowing titles like The Nam and Strikeforce Morituri. Looking back at this era, I think the Marvel line had a pretty good quality, and the continuity between the superhero titles was very consistent.

Back to the New Universe. Shooter's idea was to create a universe devoid of all the usual superhero conventions. Take the real world of the 1980s and see what would happen if a special event caused paranormals to exist. There would be no costumes, no secret identities, no hidden fortresses. This was a science fiction perspective on paranormals. I think it was very good idea, but only two titles really had a good implementation--or at least, they did enough so that I remember then now. One was D.P. 7, a sort of Doom Patrol or X-Men real world take, written by Mark Grunewald and drawn by Paul Ryan. The other was Star Brand, written by Shooter and drawn by John Romita Jr. I've reread Star Brand 1-19, and I found the Shooter written issues (1-7) to be very good. In fact, I think Shooter may have been a bit ahead of his time. If these stories were published now, they'd probably be highly acclaimed.

Star Brand is the story of Kenneth Connell, who turns out to be a cross between Superman and Green Lantern. While riding his dirt bike on a steep hill, we can see that this young mechanic is almost fearless--although he is also a bit stupid. He meets a mysterious old man (an alien) who wants to give him a gift, which turns out to be the Star Brand. Ken wakes up with only dream images of the power transfer and finds the old man is dead. This is much like Hal Jordan's origin. Ken finds that he can fly, he can lift heavy objects, and cause small mini-nuke explosions when he gets really mad. But he doesn't don a costume or mask. He takes care to use his powers secretively. Shooter addresses one problem I think most superheroes who can fly would have: where the hell am I? Ken often brings a map along to find out where to go. In one sequence, after Ken discovers he can survive in outer space, he gets lost in the solar system. There's an ongoing mystery with the old man who gave him the Star Brand. The old man turns out not to be dead, and keeps coming after Ken to take the gift back. I think beyond the mystery and the realistic use of awesome powers, I was blown away by how Shooter depicted Ken's romantic relationships. Ken is involved with two women: Barb and Duck. Barb is a divorced women with two young kids who Ken occasionally sees and wants to get serious with. Duck (real name is Madeline) is so slavishly devoted to Ken, that she'll do his laundry and wait for hours to meet him at his apartment. At first, we're not sure about Ken's relationship with Duck, but later it becomes clear that they are having sex regularly, at Ken's convenience. Duck is willing to have Ken in any way possible. She is completely willing to sleep with Ken on the side. And Ken is willing to let Duck do it, even though he feels rotten for it. At the time I read this, I was horrified. I remember thinking, is this Shooter's own relationship with women? But now I think it's refreshing, because it breaks the superhero mold completely. Rather than having the main character be absolutely moral and upright, he's a more complex character. In Shooter's short seven issue stint, we see Ken grow to the point where he wants to break off the relationship with Duck, but she won't allow it.

Unfortunately, Shooter's last Star Brand issue was issue #7 (he plotted and Roy Thomas scripted). After that it was passed along to various writers until John Byrne took over the series in Star Brand 11. I think I remember that Shooter's exit from the series mirrored his exit from Marvel Comics. Byrne seemed determined to undo every change Shooter made; it's pretty safe to say that he hated the Kenneth Connell character. In Byrne's first issue, we see Ken get a costume and introduce himself publicly to the world. Duck gets pregnant and Ken acts like a total jerk. Ken does something unbelievably dumb and nukes all of Pittsburg, creating the Pitt, which signaled the end of the New Universe. In one of the editorial pages, Byrne answers several questions, and this one gives you a feeling of his animosity: My pet peeves are: Chris Claremont, mutants, editors over six foot six. Shooter, of course, is a very tall man. A complex guy to be sure, but he contributed a lot of good to Marvel, and their books never sold as well since he left. Nuff said.

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Some people said that Dark Knight Strikes Again was Frank Miller's idea of a joke. I forget who said it, so I'm paraphrasing out of context, but the joke was the DC paid Miller booku bucks for a superhero sequel, and instead they got this indie comic. The most expensive indie comic ever made. Was it true? Who cares, it still sold like gangbusters and made DC a ton of money, not to mention the publicity. The first time I read DKSA, I hated it. It was nothing like the first Dark Knight mini-series. Starbucks-bashing, Republican-bashing, Flash wearing short biker pants, and another Superman-Batman fight where Supes loses again! Second time I read it, I liked it a little better. Not enough to actually buy the damn thing: I read it at Borders (first time) and from the public library (second time). Miller got enough of my money in the 80s and 90s. I bought everything he did: Daredevil, Wolverine, Ronin, Dark Knight, Sin City. Not to mention those What Ifs. What thanks did I get for making this nebbish a superstar? Did Miller invite me to the Sin City premiere so I could meet Carla Gugino? No. Fuck him. Everything FM writes will now be read for free in a chain bookstore.

All Star Batman and Robin: after the first three issues, I think it's safe to say that Frank Miller really hates the whole idea of superheroes. Or he just thinks the entire concept is so damn ludicrous. We've seen Batman slap Dick Grayson around in the second issue. In the third issue, he tells to Dick to "Shut Up" when the kid asks an innocent question. I think if I were Dick Grayson, I'd freaking run as fast as I could away from this lunatic. Batman has never been portrayed crazier than he is in this series. I was telling someone the other day that it reminds me of those old Mad magazine superhero parodies like Superduperman. It is hard to take seriously the thought of a teenager beating up experienced adult fighters. So maybe that is Miller's point. In the past, it was the ultimate child wish fulfillment, to do whatever an adult could do. The whole idea of teen sidekicks is just plain child abuse in the modern era. Although I suppose I hoped that Miller would find a way to reinvent the old and come up with a way for Bruce Wayne to actually be a father to Dick. Maybe the first step in this direction would be to change his name. No one wants to be called Dick anymore. I tried it in elementary school and the other kids kicked my ass.

Teen sidekicks, that's the first point; the second point is to give all fanboys an erection with Jim Lee's babelicious artwork. The level of cheesecake surprises me. Not that I mind cheesecake; I've got a ton of Gen13 comics in my closet. What we've never seen in any Miller superhero comic is that HE likes cheesecake. Elektra was sexy, but not really overtly. Sin City has cheesecake hooker ninjas, but they aren't superheroes. I think as a collective audience, when we read All-Star B&R #1, and saw Vicky Vale prancing around in her sexy pink panties, that we pretty much thought Jim Lee had to be responsible. I mean, Mr. Lee has drawn a number of outlandish babes, from Psylocke to Voodoo to those Marvel Swimsuit pin-ups. Rich Johnston broke that story of Miller's script actually instructing Lee: "OK, Jim, I'm shameless…Let's go with an ASS SHOT…she's got one fine ass." Boom shocka! That is damn fine investigative journalism, Mr. Johnston. I think you belong on 60 Minutes. Mike Wallace is gonna retire any minute.

For the cheesecake alone, All Star Batman and Robin might be worth buying. I was again surprised to read issue #3 with the appearance of Black Canary. It's pretty much an all BC-issue; Batman and Robin are only featured on 4 out of 20 pages. There's no connection between this BC and the Dinah Lance that we've known in Birds of Prey. This Canary is an Irish barmaid. (It looks like Miller lost that memo from Dan Didio about the All-Star line containing classic versions of DC characters.) For some reason she needs to wear a costume with fishnets and a mask while serving booze. Her bust has been expanded to a double D and the corset is so low that her jugs would have to pop out when fighting. A girl like this wouldn't be a barmaid for long, she'd probably be in Playboy. There are a lot of gratuitous crotch shots (for which I'm thankful) when Black Canary leaps and kicks a bar full of drunken men. Most of the comedy is about all these guys in a bar making libidinous comments about BC's ass, while a fuse (representing her tolerance) burns down on a stick of dynamite. When the patrons get out of control, Black Canary uses her kung fu to decimate the entire room. Apparently she's fantasizing about Batman while she does this. I guess if you think of this character as not Dinah but a Miller-esque crazy version of Black Canary, kind of like the ninja hookers in Sin City, you might be able to swallow this. Jim Lee does do a fantastic job of drawing those fishnets. I think he should abandon the Wildcats revival and just do a Black Canary book. Maybe it could be this version of Black Canary leading a gang of female superhero hookers kicking butt and falling in love with alcoholic ex-Leaguers. But I digress…

The timeline of events in All Star B&R also seems wacky. Bats is still taking Dick to the Batcave in the Transformer Batmobile (which cracks me up) for the first time. Meanwhile, Dick's face is already on milk cartons in Metropolis and Clark Kent is really pissed. Looks like we're gonna see another Superman-Batman conflict again. Sheesh! Can't Miller do something new? Like maybe have Black Canary fuck Batman and relieve his tension so he doesn't go around hitting teenagers. Nuff said.

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