By Welcome back, pardners, to the rowdiest review column in East Biggs, Californy! We're gonna try to make this a regular feature. Now, let's round up some comic critters for review. I might be updatin' this later in the week as I can't read all my funny books in one sittin'. Most of these came out this week, but we had a few stragglers from last week that we just couldn't miss...
52 Week 13: I'm gettin' flashbacks to 1980 and Iran Hostage Crisis--week 13, DC comic fanboys held hostage! I just listened to Mr. Greg Rucka on Fanboy Radio and he can't convince me that this series ain't anything but a turd. Most of this one focuses on Ralph Dibny, tryin' to get Sue to come back to life, kinda like Kim Cattrall in the movie Manniquin. Ya gotta see it to believe it. Ralph's lost his marbles. And why doesn't anyone in the Superboy cult notice that there are five superheroes among them? Those green masks really make a feller stand out! It's like the scene in Blazing Saddles. The backup by Mark Waid and Kevin Nowlan was great, wish they did the whole book!
Agents of Atlas: Hoooooboy, I never thought I'd see Agent Jimmy Woo again. How the heck did Jeff Parker get this pitch by Mr. Joe Quesada, who seems to hate any kind of nostalgia? Especially with all the trouble Parker goes through to explain the ancient history with Marvel Boy, Venus, the Yellow Claw, etc. Not that I'm complainin'--heck, I lived through those days. You young fellers may like this book cause it's got a talkin' gorilla.
Batman 655: The new creative team of Grant Morrison and that Kubert feller (don't ask me which one cause they all look alike) is better than breakfast on Angie Dickinson's tummy. Something pretty shocking happens to the Joker on the first few pages. I don't think he's really dead, but Morrison is just pushin' that durn turd off to the side for new frontiers. Joe Bob and I found the renewed relationship between Bruce Wayne and Alfred to be kind of touching, but we stabbed ourselves with paper clips to keep from cryin' in our beer.
Birds of Prey 96: Last year, Gail Simone created a great character called Black Alice. She can transform into any DCU magical being and co-opt their powers--in that Day of Vengence series, she even became the Spectre! In this issue, Talia, Cheetah, and Felix Faust try to recruit Alice in the Secret Society of Bad Dudes. Naturally, the Birds can't let that happen! There's a heckuva fight when Alice channels Wonder Woman. I think Alice's greatest superpower is the ability to change WW's costume into a dark, kinky, belly-button revealin' version that Britney Spears would have worn before K-Fed. Artist Paulo Sequiera seems like a natural for the Birds. The fight scene and Alice's WW costume seem a bit Chaykin-esque to me. And if this ain't enough reason to buy BOP 96, there's a nice little butt shot of Canary in fishnet stockin's. Oh lordy, this book outta be a top ten megahit!
Detective Comics 822: Another neat little mystery story by Mr. Paul Dini. We all loved Don Kramer's artwork on JSA, and I kinda think that Kramer works better with Dini than J.H. Williams. The Riddler's in this story, but he ain't a villain--he's a detective! I almost spit out my corn flakes this mornin' when I saw ol' E. Nigma standin' in Bruce Wayne's mansion. Apparently the Riddler forgot that Bruce Wayne is Batman due to a knock on the head or somethin' like that. Ain't that convenient? I bet Mel Gibson wishes all the world would get a bump on the head like that. I liked this story, especially the S&M club scene. Hey, I am just wonderin' somethin'. Batman can find those blood spots on the carpet, analyze hair fibers, etc. What the heck are the Gotham Police doin'? Eatin' doughnuts?
Fantastic Four 539: Ben Grimm makes his fateful decision about which side he's on in this terrible Civil War. If you read the San Diego Con reports, you would know he's about to pull a Johnny Depp. And the people that help make up his mind are the Yancy Street Gang! Most of the story rehashes what you saw in Civil War #3, but from different points of view. It's almost like a visit to the ol' homestead when you see the Puppet Master and the Thinker (who is no longer mad) show up.
Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man: More Civil War fallout, but longtime Spidey fans will find one scene is worth the cover price. Dodgeball with Flash Thompson and Peter Parker. Sheesh, I'd buy that for a dollar.
Hawkgirl 54: Ever since I heard Howard Chaykin was comin' on board, I've been waiting for something sexy to happen! Well pardners, it finally did (starting in issue 53) when Kendra gets her top ripped off by an Amazonian tattoed wrestler. Kendra wrassles this purple Hulk-gal in her bra. It's sexier than Raquel Welch on a cold Nebraska night. Don't know what else happens here and Jimmy Cracked Corn, But I Don't Care!
Moon Knight 4: The boys over at Marvel are pumpin' this sucker up to be the second comin', but I don't get it. Each issue is more depressing than a country western song. "My legs got brokin', Marcine just left me, Frenchie is out strokin', Oh Khonshu please save me!" David Finch's artwork is very nice, and this here is my favorite panel, the flashback to Moon Knight's first appearance in Werewolf By Night.
Uncanny X-Men 477: None of the X-Men appear in this issue except for flashbacks. It's all about the big mad-on that Vulcan has for the Shiar. I kept thinkin' at the end of this arc that Vulcan just might wind up becomin' an X-Man. But the way he's killin' people left and right, it just don't look pretty. Brubaker succeeded into makin' this the space opera X-Men title; as Archie Goodwin once said, "It's Space Opera and I like it!" This is a pretty good issue, but I seemed to read it faster than my usual potty break. Maybe I'm eatin' more fiber!
Until next time, onward and upward, True Believers! Nuff said.
Jimmy Woo was in Bendis' Secret War recent enough as a young man which confuses the continuity a little.