Now it's time for ol' Cousin Dick to do one of them retro-spectives! You know, one of those articles where we talk about why the Silver Age was the best and everything thing modern just seems like a two-headed calf. I just read those new Ms. Marvel funny books and I'm wonderin' why there isn't any sex. I mean, in the old days, Ms. Marvel really got it on. Take her first appearance as Carol Danvers in Marvel Super-Heroes 13...
This is when she first met Capt. Marvel, who was pretendin' to be a scientist feller named Doctor Lawson. You can tell that Mar-Vell couldn't believe his luck when he met that little blonde minx! But she would find that lovin an alien would be harder than marryin a cowboy from Brokeback Mountain.
Carol was a bit perturbed when she found out that her bed was empty in the morning. Of course, Capt. Marvel's got better things to do than eat pancakes with maple syrup. He's got Skrulls, Kree, and Thanos to fight. That just sends a gal like Carol into a frenzied hormone imbalance!
Praise the Lord for women's liberation! Nothin' says independence like a revealing costume! Calvin Klein invented thong underwear after reading this landmark story. Just one of many Mighty Marvel contributions to our country!
Things don't always work out well for Marvel Super-Heroes. With great sex power comes terrible responsibility. That's something that Brittany Daniel should pay attention to as well!
Back in the 70s, Ms. Marvel 19 caused an uproar! It was actually pulled from stores, banned by the Baptists, and editor-in-chief Jim Shooter was burned in effigy by the Harper Valley PTA! All reprints have been severely altered to make it look like Ronan the Accuser was invading Earth. Kid Flash will be selling my unaltered copy on EBay for $1 million.
You know what made Mighty Marvel the greatest comic book company in the world? Their heroes were deep. They had feelin's. They changed over time! I think Paul Verhoven got the inspiration for Sharon Stone's Basic Instinct interrogation scene in this panel!
Ms. Marvel got this here ass-liftin' costume in issue 20. Didn't help her book much as it was cancelled a few issues later. If only they had Frank Cho around back then, Marvel would have known, the tits AND the ass need to be in proportion.
Oh well. This ain't the end of Ms. Marvel's sexcapades. Let us know if you want to see more. Ten-four rubber-duck and Nuff Said!
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