Photon Torpedoes: Giant-Sized Babes #1: Brittany Daniel

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March 17, 2006

Giant-Sized Babes #1: Brittany Daniel

The other fellers who do most of the writin' on this here b-log are a mite perturbed. You see, after nearly a year of posts, only a handful have really generated a lot of hits. One of 'em was my famous Daisy Duke poll. One of our best hit-makers was Warlock's Nip\Tuck article that contained the magic words "Kelly Carlson" which Google Images picks up on. After this in-depth analysis of our stats, which any knucklehead in the backwoods of Georgia could have foretold, the good ol' boys asked me to highlight another babe. We're going to show a lot of thumbnails, so click on 'em for Giant-Sized Goodness.

Brittany Daniel is my pick of the litter this week. Today's her birthday (March 17) and she's 30 years old, legal for fantasizing in all 50 states! I first took notice of her on a little show called Sweet Valley High. Now I ain't the type of feller who goes for young gals; most of my time is spent thinkin' about classic chicks like Raquel Welch. Brittany stole my heart when I saw in that leopard skin bikini. When I looked up her age on the Internet I found that she was 18--Praise the Lord! They don't really look like high school gals anyway, more like the type of college gals likely to be on MTV Spring Break.

Then, oh my goodness, there were suddenly two blondes on the show. I thought I had drunk myself to the point of double vision, but it turned out to be Brittany's twin sister, Cynthia. Brittany played the bitchy, wicked sister (endearin' her in my mind) while Cynthia was the good gal. You can pick up Sweet Valley High - The Complete First Season on DVD now. It ain't as good as classic shows like the Dukes, but Kid Flash likes to watch it when he runs on treadmill. I imagine it must work like those hamsters on a wheel, when you put a piece of cheese in front that they'll never reach.

After Sweet Valley, the twins helped seduce Leo DiCaprio in the Basketball Diaries. Cynthia retired from acting, while Brittany marched onward, appearing in Dawson's Creek (from which she was quickly removed because she was so much hotter than Katie Holmes), the movie Joe Dirt (and she looks damn good in those daisy dukes), and the short-lived series The 80's Show, where she played a wanna-be lesbian called Sophia. Her finest movie appearance to date was Club Dread, a spoof on the slasher genre, made by the same director of the Dukes of Hazzard movie, Jay Chandrasekhar. Since Brittany has an ass that's as hard as a grapefruit, Jay cast her as an aerobics instructor. This was a very convienient way to show off Brittany's body in short-shorts, bikinis, and underwear. I just love a gal who decides to take a midnight dip in the pool with a killer on the loose! Jay C. clearly lusts after Brittany as much as I do: she survives every attack in the movie and winds up in love with the fat dreadlock dude in the end. Kid Flash also has this movie on DVD and he says his heartrate goes up to 160 during the underwear scenes.

My nephew, the Kid, thinks that Brittany Daniel is such a finely tuned gal that he scored these pics of her at the Malibu Triathlon in 2005. She is one fit chick. I told Kid that maybe he could date Brittany if only he could match her pace during the triathlon. The Kid, who ain't no kid, would probably have a heart attack, but would die with a smile on his face.

That's enough sugar and spice for now. Leave us a comment if you want more occasional in-depth reports like this or if we should just stick to funny books. Nuff said.

External Links:
Brittany Daniel at Stuff Magazine
Brittany Daniel at Maxim Online
Brittany Daniel at the Official Club Dread site
Brittany Daniel Malibu Triathlon Pics 1
Brittany Daniel Malibu Triathlon Pics 2
Brittany Daniel at Actress Archives
Brittany Daniel Bio at Superior Pics
Brittany Daniel in the 80s show