I can't tell you how much I hate this fucking new Spider-Man costume...
Mostly, I hate it just because the whole Other yarn sucks. I don't like the whole Spider-mythos taking over Peter Parker's origin. I think those stingers that burst out of Peter's wrists are a lame attempt at making him more like Wolverine. Wasn't Spider-Man pretty cool already? What was wrong with Peter Parker that needed fixing? If you want to do something dramatic, mess around with his personal life. Kill Mary Jane or have her divorce Peter. Revitalize Spider-Man's classic rogues gallery. Make Spider-Man a vigilante wanted by the cops. OK, I am probably complaining because I'm an old bastard who doesn't like change. But look at what happened in the past when other classic characters were changed...
The perfect example is Blue Superman. After some lame accident, Superman's Kryptonian powers were altered. He became a blue lighting bolt, zipping around the skies and shooting electrical beams to zap his enemies. The change affected all the Superman titles, as well as the JLA, for a few months. Grant Morrison was told after the fact that Superman had become blue when a JLA issue had to be hastily changed. I remember during this event, Alex Toth wrote an editorial for the Comics Buyers Guide where he berated DC for letting this happen to a classic figure. Toth wondered if Disney would Mickey Mouse to be so radically altered from his classic look.
Then we had this god awful version of Batman with the 500th issue of his series. OK, it wasn't Bruce Wayne wearing this stupid outfit--it was Azrael. We still had to put up with it for a year until Bruce Wayne recovered from a broken back. A whole year! I think it looks hideous, especially that utility belt around his thigh. It looks like an S&M garter belt.
Just to show you that DC tried to revamp the Big Three, here is Wonder Woman's alternative costume. Now this did make sense in the story, because Diana had given up the Wonder Woman title to Artemis and needed something new to wear. This little number, with the biker-style shorts, bra, and short blue jacket, is pretty sexy. Especially when she fought the Cheetah--the jacket was ripped to shreds and Diana fought almost topless in the bra. Meoooww! Bolland drew great covers with it (you can see some of them in my Bolland cover gallery), but alas, Diana returned to the classic look after issue 100. I'd like to think that Diana still wears this outfit when she's not on the job, like maybe when she goes to the gym or the supermarket. But I digress...
Let's get back to the current villains over at Mighty Marvel. We can't blame Joe Quesada for everything, this shit has been going on forever. They learned about what a big sales impact costume changes made with the first appearance of the black costume in Amazing Spider-Man 252. Coinciding with the first Secret Wars mini-series, in a way this was Marvel's version of One Year Later. The heroes had spent a year on another planet and returned to Earth with all kinds of changes. Peter Parker had found the alien symbiote that bonded itself to his skin and became the black costume. There was plenty of outrage at the time. Yes, it was designed to sell toys. Yes, it was always going to be temporary. But I goddamn loved it. It was simple, elegant, and somehow just made Peter feel more spider-like--without giving him six arms or stingers. Yeah, I'm inconsistent. If Marvel had brought this costume back during the Other then I'd jump for joy. The black costume is cool, Iron Spidey isn't. Bite me.
When Spider-Man's sales shot up, then Marvel tried the same trick with other heroes. Captain America did one of his periodic I-can't-take-it-anymore things with the government and resigned. (Thinking back on it, how can he resign if he doesn't really get paid?) Instead of becoming the Nomad (like he did when he quit before), he gives up his old costume, and puts this black number on. He calls himself The Captain, just to make a point that he no longer represents the USA. But I still see plenty of patriotic colors here, Steve! A man named John Walker became the new Captain America and dispatched America's enemies with brutality. When Rodgers became Captain America again, Walker put on the black uniform to become USAgent. And just so you are totally confused, none of this at all relates to The Captain that will be appearing in Warren Ellis' Nextwave.
Daredevil's red pajamas were considered too gaudy for a period of time. Or maybe they just thought that a man running around in red looked really gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). His costume was redesigned with this black and red body armor that made him look like a butch badass. Frank Miller made a short comment about this in one publication, saying that it was a shame, because he thought the Wally Wood designed costume was wonderful. It only lasted for a year or so. Thank goodness, or else we never would have seen Ben Affleck make that red outfit look cool! Yeah, right. At one time, Marvel did a house ad showing the heroes with new looks: Spider-Man, The Captain, Daredevil, Iron Man, and Thor. Each time they repeated the experiment, the results were the same: sales would take off like a rocket. First appearances of the new costumes were in high demand at comic shops. Then after a year, sales would dive down and the characters would revert back to their classic uniforms.
I'm sure Iron Spidey will repeat the history. It's going to sell a lot of toys, statues, and variant covers for Marvel. Judging from what I see on message boards, kids and teenagers love Iron Spidey, while the older folks hate it. I just feel sorry for Mary Jane. How could you make love to Peter and not be worried about a stinger erupting from his body? Grounds for a divorce, I would say. Nuff said.
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