By 
One year ago, we had an Identity Crisis, or more specifically, the characters in the DCU had one. During this “crisis” we discovered that Captain Boomerang—a villain who went after the Flash with giant Aussie-made weapons that went around in circles—had a son that he tracked down and tried to reconnect with. We found out that the kid, Owen, had his father’s penchant for throwing weapons but also, a Super-Sprinter—capable of short bursts of speed. This gave him a promising start as a new adversary for Wally West.
But who was Owen’s mother? This has been a secret plotline dangling over us for an entire year. Many of us speculated that it must have been the Golden Glider. I can’t figure out why. Glider didn’t have any speed powers, nor did she romance Captain Boomerang. One theory was that Boomerang possessed Barry Allen’s body for a short time and had a quickie with the Glider. I kind of like that, because if I took over Flash’s body or Superman’s body for a few hours, I’d go out and bang a whole bunch of hot chicks. As it turned out, that speculation was pure rubbish.
In Flash #225, we know the truth: the mother of Owen is Meloni Thawne. Meloni Thawne? I’ve heard the name but it’s never been a significant figure in any Flash story that I remember. I had to look her up on Hyperborea’s encyclopedia of Flash facts. Meloni was one of the rare good Thawnes (Prof. Zoom being the most notorious) who married Don Allen, Barry Allen’s son, and has made a minor time traveling appearance in Impulse—where we found out she was Bart Allen's mother. And yet, Meloni resides in the 30th century. I couldn’t fathom how Boomerang met her until one message board poster pointed out that in Flash #224, we see ol’ Boomer falling through time as a result of Zoom’s attack on Wally. He apparently falls into the 30th century and is greeted by Meloni (and you can bet it’s her by that weird haircut that Bart used to have).
Talk about serendipity! You fall thru the timesphere and wind up sitting next to the daughter-in-law of your arch enemy—and she’s hot to trot! This is weird. Why would Meloni Thawne, wife of Don Allen, want to ever fuck Captain Boomerang? What kind of taste does she have? Don was a stud like his father--I would imagine he can go all night on an inexhaustible supply of speed force. Boomerang is quite the loser, I imagine a night with him would be over prematurely. How on god’s green earth could this happen? Did Boomer carry a supply of Foster’s Lager, the formula for which might have been lost in the 30th century? Did he catch a couple of rangs, and Meloni went giddy enough to do a rhumba on his thumpa?
Of course, I am bummed for my namesake—Bart Allen, aka Kid Flash. How disappointed he’ll be to have such a brother as Zoomerang. How Bart’s heart will break when he finds out that his Mom was so slutty. What kind of bitch gives birth to Owen and then dumps him in the 20th century? I don’t get it. They better explain this one good. I don’t think those Thawnes can ever reform. Strip the whole family line from history! Nuff said.
still broken?
Well it's still broken
Speedsters have to deal with time dilation as they pretend that months are really seconds as they trick themselves out of perceiving things incorrectly.
Don lasting 5 seconds inside Meloni would be akin to a normal guy lasting half a year. No matter how much he loves her that's a lot of commitment towards something you're expected to do every night and still enjoy.
That's not even taking into account during the relative months amid the procession of each stroke he doesn't forget what he's doing and nod off, or think about other concerns.