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September 30, 2005
I like Carla Gugino but there's a Threshold
I actually watched the first two episodes of Threshold before concluding that the formula is too weak to bring me back every week. The first hour of the pilot was pretty good and the cast is excellent for this type of material. Carla Gugino (last seen without her clothes on in Sin City) is Dr. Molly Anne Caffrey, a government consultant who dreams up contingency plans for all sorts of global disasters. One day a spaceship enters Earth’s atmosphere, sends signals to a Navy ship, and Caffrey’s contingency plan for First Contact is activated. She leads the team of specialists, played by actors Rob Benedict (from Felicity and Alias), Brent Spiner (Star Trek: Next Generation), and Peter Dinklage (The Station Agent). All three of these guys are pretty comical and bounce off each other effectively. Dinklage is the most interesting personality on the show—he’s a genius, but he’s also a horndog and extremely arrogant. He’s been drafted to serve the government and he doesn’t like it.
I watched the pilot with some interest, but the second episode just dropped me cold. The aliens have “infected” or programmed humans with a mental virus. This virus presumably makes the humans sabotage various things all over the world and enable the aliens to conquer the Earth. The first episode was about stopping a Naval officer infected by the virus. The second episode was about stopping some kid possibly infected. So every episode they stop some dumb-ass infected with the virus? They aren’t doing a whole lot. In the second episode, some guy blew up his face in a Burger King.
Sorry, Carla, but unless you’re in a thong every episode, I ain’t watching. Nuff said.
Posted by Adam Warlock at 5:41 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)Smallvile Season 5 Opener: back to 1978!
The thing about television shows is that the majority of them have a fixed budget. When Star Trek: Next Generation was on the air, each episode cost about $1 million. That was a problem for an effects heavy show. Sometimes they would go overboard on the effects for one episode (like Best of Both Worlds) then pay the price by having a few episodes totally contained within the ship to save money.
Smallville has the same problem. It’s a show with a both an advantage and a handicap. The advantage, of course, is that it’s about the young life of Clark Kent. The handicap is that he can’t become Superman until the show ends—he won’t wear a costume or fly until the very last episode. Likewise, he can’t really end up with Lana Lang, his high school sweetheart. The writers on the show do incredibly long gyrations to keep Clark and Lana flirting, coming close to snogging, then breaking away at the last moment.
There is really only one big moment that Smallville’s writers can shake up the show, and that’s the season premiere. In Season three, the show opened with Clark, living in Metropolis and infected by red kryptonite, using his powers wildly to rob a bank and escape from police. In Season four, Clark emerged from a cave filled with Kryptonian artifacts and having “Kal-El” take over his personality. Clark actually flew (an incredible special effect) and robbed Lex Luthor’s plane, stealing another Kryptonian key that he needed, before Lex could see his face. (When the episode ended, Clark had no idea that he was airborne or that he has this ability.)
Now in Season Five, we have the biggest opener yet. Clark has been transported to the Arctic by the Kryptonian cave, and he throws an ice crystal in the same way that Jeff East did as young Kent in the 1978 Superman movie. The Fortress of Solitude arises out of the snow and ice, looking exactly like it did in Richard Donner’s film. (We have to assume that Bryan Singer will keep the same look in Superman Returns). Jor-El (voiced by Terrance Stamp—General Zod in the first 2 Superman films) talks to Clark through the crystals (highly advanced computer technology?) about his destiny. He must study Kryptonian history and culture to survive his future tribulations. Yet at that same moment, Chloe is freezing to death, having been transported to the arctic as well. Two evil Kryptonians have arrived in Smallville in another meteor storm and are beating the crap out of everybody: Lana, Lois, Lex, and Pa Kent. (Lana and Pa get knocked around enough to swear there should be permanent damage.) Clark has a choice to make: sacrifice his loved ones or leave the Fortress—guess which one he picks. The climax is terrific, because we see the Phantom Zone again, and it looks just like does in the first movie, with that crazy mirror rotating and showing the criminals in that other dimension.
The Smallville producers and writers delivered big time. Not just in special effects, or even story, but tying their show back to the classic Superman films. It’s kitchy cool. I don’t expect much to happen until November sweeps. Now that Clark has lost his powers, I suspect he will finally make it with Lana. He’ll probably do something stupidly heroic and almost die before getting his powers back. We know how it ends. Not every episode is a gem, but getting to the end should be fun.
Just bring back the Flash. Nuff Said.
Posted by Adam Warlock at 5:19 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)Wolverine 32: Millar's swan song
After his 12 issue storyline concluded, I wouldn’t have expected Millar to have any juice left for Wolverine 32. This is last issue, a self contained story that didn’t really to do much after his tour de force ended. But it’s a gem of a tale. Drawn by Kaare Andrews, it takes place in a World War II concentration camp. Logan is a prisoner there, but he must have lost his memory or the will to fight, because he does nothing against his Nazi oppressors. The tale is told from the POV of the Nazi commandant, as he is slowly driven mad by Wolverine’s inability to die. The art and the writing here are superb. Andrews draws Wolverine almost 100% of the time in silhouette. It reminds me of some Spirit stories where the Spirit was wounded/unconscious and the story was about the characters surrounding him. I think Millar intended this—you’ll see when you read the dedication on the last page.
Why oh why couldn’t we have Millar do Wolverine forever? I’d hate to be following him as the writer. Nuff said.
Posted by Adam Warlock at 4:31 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)September 27, 2005
Nip/Tuck: Watch out for the Three-ways!
I’ve watched Nip/Tuck since the beginning. It’s a bit like a train wreck in slow motion, you know something bad is happening, but you can’t take your eyes off it. After watching the premier episode of season three, I’ve realized it’s a clever soap opera—targeted at men. Oh, I am sure women are drawn to it, for the soap aspects and the plastic surgery. The show actually makes you feel great if you haven’t had plastic surgery, as they show in graphic horror what each operation is like and what the negative effects can be afterward.
But for the guys, you just watch and wait for one of the doctors to land a hot babe in bed. There’s super-stud Dr. Christian Troy, who in the first season seemed to bag a new chick every other episode. His partner, Dr. Sean McNamara, seemed to come alive after he realized his wife had two-timed him back in college with Troy, and that his son was actually father by his best friend. After the divorce, McNamara snapped up Troy’s cast off Kimber Henry (played by the babelicious Kelly Carlson, who’s been in Stuff magazine three times since the show has been running). In one memorable scene, Dr. McNamara agrees to some pro-bono work and Kimber rewards him by bending over naked in front of the bed, giving the camera one of the horniest looks I've ever seen.
Oh sure, the writers on Nip/Tuck are creative. Usually there is one case that symbolizes what the doctors are going through in their personal lives. In Season Two, they were going to dissolve their partnership when McNamara found out that Troy porked his wife eighteen years earlier. Just before they sign the papers, they fly to another city to see if they can separate two Siamese twins, joined at the head. What timing! In addition they share a dorm room and wind up double banging Jennifer O’Dell (the hot jungle babe from the TV show The Lost World), who plays a hooker.
That’s why we keep watching Nip/Tuck. You just never know when a three-way is gonna happen. In the first season, Dr. McNamara’s son Matt bedded two girls in his room. Since they were high school age, I couldn’t believe I was viewing non-pay TV until I saw that V-Chip prelude on the second go-around. The best three-way just happened last week in the Season Three opener. Dr. Troy has been anally raped by the Slasher dude, and needs to get his mojo back. Fortunately, he’s being investigated by a detective, super-hot British babe Rhona Mitra (from Boston Legal). Rhona seems like a tough cookie until she comes to Troy’s apartment to recreate the crime. Then Rhona straddles Troy as he lies helplessly on the bed, lifts up her skirt, and reveals she’s wearing garters and lingerie. This is great therapy for Dr. Troy as he immediately starts banging Rhona, and then Kimber walks in. Troy snaps his fingers and he’s got Kimber kissing Rhona and we start thinking, hey, maybe the Slasher should come to my house?
Posted by Adam Warlock at 11:35 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)September 23, 2005
The Fantastici Four arrived in Italy
I’ve been on vacation for the past two weeks, my first stop was Rome, where the "Fantastici Four" were splattered everywhere, especially on buses. I would see Ben Grimm’s mug glaring at me with a rocky punch wherever I went. The names of the characters in Italian are quite charming:
The Human Torch: La Torcia Umana
The Invisible Girl: La Donna Invisible
The Thing: La Cosa
Mr. Fantastic is the same in both languages.
Posted by Kid Flash at 5:21 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)September 7, 2005
Satan-spawns of Meloni Thawne!
One year ago, we had an Identity Crisis, or more specifically, the characters in the DCU had one. During this “crisis” we discovered that Captain Boomerang—a villain who went after the Flash with giant Aussie-made weapons that went around in circles—had a son that he tracked down and tried to reconnect with. We found out that the kid, Owen, had his father’s penchant for throwing weapons but also, a Super-Sprinter—capable of short bursts of speed. This gave him a promising start as a new adversary for Wally West.
But who was Owen’s mother? This has been a secret plotline dangling over us for an entire year. Many of us speculated that it must have been the Golden Glider. I can’t figure out why. Glider didn’t have any speed powers, nor did she romance Captain Boomerang. One theory was that Boomerang possessed Barry Allen’s body for a short time and had a quickie with the Glider. I kind of like that, because if I took over Flash’s body or Superman’s body for a few hours, I’d go out and bang a whole bunch of hot chicks. As it turned out, that speculation was pure rubbish.
In Flash #225, we know the truth: the mother of Owen is Meloni Thawne. Meloni Thawne? I’ve heard the name but it’s never been a significant figure in any Flash story that I remember. I had to look her up on Hyperborea’s encyclopedia of Flash facts. Meloni was one of the rare good Thawnes (Prof. Zoom being the most notorious) who married Don Allen, Barry Allen’s son, and has made a minor time traveling appearance in Impulse—where we found out she was Bart Allen's mother. And yet, Meloni resides in the 30th century. I couldn’t fathom how Boomerang met her until one message board poster pointed out that in Flash #224, we see ol’ Boomer falling through time as a result of Zoom’s attack on Wally. He apparently falls into the 30th century and is greeted by Meloni (and you can bet it’s her by that weird haircut that Bart used to have).
Talk about serendipity! You fall thru the timesphere and wind up sitting next to the daughter-in-law of your arch enemy—and she’s hot to trot! This is weird. Why would Meloni Thawne, wife of Don Allen, want to ever fuck Captain Boomerang? What kind of taste does she have? Don was a stud like his father--I would imagine he can go all night on an inexhaustible supply of speed force. Boomerang is quite the loser, I imagine a night with him would be over prematurely. How on god’s green earth could this happen? Did Boomer carry a supply of Foster’s Lager, the formula for which might have been lost in the 30th century? Did he catch a couple of rangs, and Meloni went giddy enough to do a rhumba on his thumpa?
Of course, I am bummed for my namesake—Bart Allen, aka Kid Flash. How disappointed he’ll be to have such a brother as Zoomerang. How Bart’s heart will break when he finds out that his Mom was so slutty. What kind of bitch gives birth to Owen and then dumps him in the 20th century? I don’t get it. They better explain this one good. I don’t think those Thawnes can ever reform. Strip the whole family line from history! Nuff said.
Posted by Kid Flash at 9:46 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)Nerdy News for September 7, 2005
Newsarama has a great interview with George Perez about what he's been up to. The highlights: George will be drawing a 5 page sequence in Infinite Crisis #2 that provides a capsule history of the DCU--only Perez could do that! He'll also draw an issue of JSA that will be a Crisis tie-in...written by Paul Levitz! This will be the first time Levitz has actually written a comic in quite a while; he hasn't written the Justice Society since he did All Star Comics back in the 1970s. George will also be drawing a monthly book that will appear next year--it won't be Green Lantern. What could it be? Someone on Millarworld speculates a Superman title. No mention of the Titans hardcover that Perez promised to finish.
There's a great interview with Grant Morrison over at PopThought. A lot of insights into Morrison's working habits, favorite music, and how some of the weird things in the Invisibles were a result of his hallucinations while in a hospital. Terrific motivation for me to finally read The Filth and The Invisibles! I love this quote from Morrison on the whole X-Men\Xorn deal: "...XORN was NEVER REAL, he was a DISGUISE for MAGNETO who went MAD ON DRUGS and DIED...but we know he always COMES BACK, somehow, so expect a dramatic return sooner or later, True Believers!" Morrison talks briefly about 52, the weekly book covering the missing 1-year gap from Infinite Crisis: "...I love being the bass player in the first comics supergroup."
Finally, there's an interview with Dwayne McDuffie about Justice League Unlimited at CBR. Read about the unlimited Legion of Doom and how the Cadmus arc came to be. Nuff said.
Posted by Kid Flash at 1:51 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)September 5, 2005
Flash #225: Long and Winding Road
Spoilers abound, so be warned. Flash 225 came out last week, bringing to an end the Geoff Johns era. When he started the book, it was in minor disarray in the wake of Mark Waid’s absence. When Flash was rebooted in the wake of the crisis, the popular thought about the defect in the character was his great speed. Waid and his collaborator\editor Brian Augustyn made it plain that there was no problem in great speed, only in examining issues of character. For Wally West, it was dealing with the legacy of his mentor and coming to terms with the mysteries of the speed force. When Johns took over the series, Wally had great powers and the respect of the Justice League, but no credible villains. The Rogues Gallery was a joke, most of all Captain Cold, and his greatest enemy, Professor Zoom, had been killed by Barry Allen a long time ago.
Now in his last issue as the Flash’s writer, Johns brings all these characters that he revitalized. What’s more, Johns set a new trend at DC Comics for reviving old characters—I doubt we’d be seeing Catman as a great character in Villains United if it weren’t for this historic run. Rogue War started off with a bang. We watched the new Rogues, led by Captain Cold, on a hunt for the body of the recently deceased Captain Boomerang (who died in Identity Crisis). This brought them into conflict with some reformed villains led by the Trickster—but how reformed were they? Not very, as we saw from the Top’s brainwashing, another by-product of Identity Crisis. Throw Zoom, the new incarnation of the Flash’s foe, and the old Professor Zoom—no way this couldn’t be more exciting.
The trick in any superhero story is making you think the character is going to die; failing that, that they will suffer a major loss. We’ve always been worried frantically about Linda Park Allen. In Flash #200, we watched in horror as Zoom caused a sonic boom that destroyed the lives of Wally and Linda’s unborn children. It was the type of Gwen Stacy moment from Spider-Man, when something horrible happens but it works as the most powerful fiction does, and you remember it for decades afterward. The hardcore Flash fans knew something was coming: it was foreshadowed in a book called "The Life Story of the Flash". Written by Iris Allen (Mark Waid), several years into the future, the book foretold of a tragedy that would happen to Wally’s twin children. That apparently came to an end when Linda miscarried after Zoom’s attack. In issue #225, Wally is forced by both Zooms to watch this horrible tragedy over and over until he’s saved by…Barry Allen. This isn’t Barry’s first appearance. He appeared in that same issue #200 saying that he would appear during the three hardest days of Wally’s life: 200 being the first, 225 being the second, and what do you want to bet Infinite Crisis will be the third?
As tragic as the loss of the children from issue #200 was, it fit the story completely. The event alluded to in Iris Allen’s book was revealed. Barry appeared along with Hal Jordan, who at that time was the Spectre. Jordan used his powers to transform Wally’s world so that no one remembered his secret identity, except for Batman and Zoom. Wally’s world changed (with the brilliant addition of artist Alberto Dose) and became darker. This remained until Wally regained his knowledge and revealed his identity to his wife, the other Flashes, and the Justice League—just as ex-JLA artist Howard Porter became the penciller of the series.
So…the driving force of the past twenty five issues was this terrible event. And now, through the fight between Wally and Zoom, it’s all undone. Linda doesn’t miscarry. Back in the present (which will learn is months after issue #200), she almost dies, but rebounds and then has the twins. It’s a fast one—Johns had us thinking that Linda might die, creating an enormous tension in the story. Then he pulls the rug out from under us, by showing the twins. I don’t quite like it. I’m all for happy endings, but I had really bought into the tragedy and thought it made Wally into a finer hero. Time travel as a device to get out of trouble really bothers me when it’s used, because it’s too cheap and opens up so many questions. Zoom himself became evil because Wally wouldn’t use time travel to under Hunter Zolomon’s accident. The difference is that Wally didn’t use time travel deliberately; it was Zoom’s second attack that actually wound up saving Linda when Wally defended her.
It isn’t the best way for Johns to bow out of the series. Yet he does, and his farewell page reminds us of the characters he breathed new life into. Now we have to read a few months of fill-ins while we wait to see if Wally survives the next Crisis any better than his mentor did. Nuff said.
Posted by Kid Flash at 11:38 PM | Permalink | Comments (1)September 3, 2005
Marvel’s Greatest Comics: Wolverine #26-31
I wrote earlier about what a great read the Wolverine: Enemy of the State collection was (even with the missing word balloons). I was unable to contain my enthusiasm to see how this played out in Wolverine: Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., and I’ve read all the issues that concludes this story. This is simply, one of the greatest Marvel comics ever made by two of the top superhero creators at the height of their form. You have Mark Millar taking Wolverine to a dark place he hasn’t been to since the Frank Miller storyline, with quotes like: “Just go limp. Let the claws do all your thinking. Forget everything that Charlie preached and let your instincts handle this.” Throw in Nick Fury, Hydra, the Hand, Elektra, and a villain who seems unstoppable—The Gorgon—and you’ve got a powder keg that explodes in each chapter. Only John Romita Jr. could keep up with Millar, channeling his inner Kirby to depict scenes like the attack on the Shield helicarrier (see inset) by Elektra and Northstar. Other impressive scenes are when Wolverine hitches a ride on a Sentinel; a showdown with the Hand in their hidden fortress; and the final fight with the Gorgon that culminates with a full page snikt! you’re never going to forget. Not since Jack Kirby has anyone knocked me out this consistently. This is Marvel comics at its purest: big, loud, unbelievable action and impossible to duplicate in any other medium. Nuff said.
Trouble: Millar’s lost gem
I avoided Trouble like the plague when it first appeared. I read the rumors that this somehow involved Aunt May and Uncle Ben (from Spider-Man) in their teenage years. When I read Trouble, I vaguely remembered this and put that out of my mind completely. I was engrossed in the story of two girls and two guys going away to work at a Hamptons resort for the summer and engaging in late adolescent flings. It’s on the same level as Dirty Dancing, but with a more honest approach to sexual behavior between seventeen year old kids. It’s a bit shocking that this didn’t cause a controversy beyond the fan base and into the mainstream media. You have Richard and Mary (the parents of Peter Parker) putting off sex—because Mary has been told by a fortune teller that she will have a kid if she has sex before the age of 20. Then on the other hand, you have Ben and May pulling out a condom on the final page of #1 and then some pillow talk and another romp at the beginning of issue 2. It’s PG-13, under the covers sex—nothing you won’t see on regular TV dramas. Terry Dodson, who is renowned for drawing big-breasted babes like Black Cat and Harley Quinn, tones down his usual depictions to create more realistic images. Things bloom into a love triangle between Ben, May, and Richard, and you realize this is Millar’s attempt to bring Romance comics back into the modern era. A Romance comic that talks about sex, drinking, and teen pregnancy—a far cry from Young Romance. It’s pretty shocking to read the first few pages of the fifth issue and find May in bed with a trucker: “You haven’t met Paulo and I don’t think you’d like him either. He smells like battery acid and imports shower curtains for a living.”
It’s a far cry from the Aunt May I was introduced to back in Amazing Spider-Man #39, a saint of a woman, constantly frail and at death’s door. This version of May is so distant, she’s not even in the same universe (hint, hint). I like the story’s conclusion just fine, but I am sorry I didn’t give this a fair shake when it came out. I can’t even find a trade paperback for it. Sheesh! Nuff said.
Link: Wikipedia article on Trouble
Posted by Adam Warlock at 6:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)
