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May 25, 2005
Geoff Johns is cleanin' up the DC Universe!
Quick quiz for you fellers: what do China, Vietnam, Czechoslovakia, and the DC Universe have in common? As any coon in the wilderness knows, they were all taken over by communists. Now in the DC Universe it happened in 1985 when one Mr. Marv Wolfman (a pretty suspicious name I think) wrote Crisis on the Infinite Earths. He even brainwashed an otherwise good feller, George Perez into drawing it. Wholesale slaughter occurred: almost every good feller on Earth 2 perished. And a good girl perished, too, the Huntress. Man, her outfit was tight and knockers were big. The current Huntress can’t hold a candle, even with 500 situps a day, I still think she needs more enhancements. But I digress when onery women folk come to mind…
Now we have one feller rightin’ the wrongs and settin’ things back on track: Mr. Geoff Johns! First he helped bring back Hawkman, and he made sure that Katar or Kotor or Cotor is a Republican, and that’s all right with me. He had Flash rebuild Keystone City with all-American steel in a matter of minutes. Then he brought back Hourman, got him out of that Limbo commie trap of Per Degaton where they probably have to watch re-runs of thirtysomething. And now we have Mr. Hal Jordan, the true blue ace-hardware man of test pilots, back as Green Lantern! He kicked that red-ass tail of Sinestro, who I knew for twenty years was always behind Jordan blowin’ up Los Angeles. (Although, if an American city had to blown up, wouldn’t you want it to be Ell-Lay?)
There’s one evil Democrat left in the whole DC Universe: Maxwell Lord! Now you may think this Lord feller ain’t so bad. But let me ask you, doesn’t he want to control the DC Universe through a big, centralized computer called OMAC? If that ain’t like the Democrats wantin’ more say in our lives, then I’ll be runnin’ out on the highway and askin’ my best bud Joe Bob to run me over with my own semi-truck!
I’d better run out to my local 7-Eleven and get all the latest DC tie-ins. For now, ten-four good buddies, and don’t forget to rotate your tires every 5000 miles!
